Why have you ghosted me?

Why have you ghosted me?

Recently, I was introduced to a wonderful filmmaker who was stuck in the process of making a feature film and desperately needed some money - a modest amount - to be able to get it finished.

We talked about working together, and even came up with a plan to raise enough money and beyond to complete the feature and at the same time work on raising the money for a second feature.  We just had TOO much fun talking about the films and about raising funds.  He was so excited to get going, to get out of the impossibly stuck place he found himself, to get the current film completed and the next one going. 

“I just need to decide if I’m going to use the payment plan or pay in full to work with you,” he said.  “I am SO excited to work with you.”

And then...Nothing.  Silence.  He didn’t sign up to start work.  He didn’t reply to a text, a call, an email. Nothing.  

I was shocked.

Why was I so shocked?  It’s not as though this hasn’t happened before.  There are certain filmmakers who have done the same thing: told me they were all in and so excited to start and then disappeared.  I remember them. I see their faces.  I wonder where they are now.  But I don’t know.

Filmmakers are my favorite people.  And when I meet a filmmaker who is SO enthusiastic to transform their lives and careers by learning how to raise money, I am sure that we will become friends for life and set out on a path to raise lots of money and make lots of films.  

It is SO painful to meet such wonderful people and then never hear from them again.  As I write this I feel a literal pain in my stomach.  But the biggest pain is in my heart.  I am left here holding their vision for them but the filmmaker is missing.  I see the money and I see the films very clearly.

Why would someone do this? Why do we / I ghost people? Why do we fully embrace the vision of the future we want to create, find the help to get there, and then stop even basic communication?

Maybe, the enthusiasm he shared with me was not real.  Maybe, that wasn’t fully honest.  

Maybe, the reality is that underneath he is feeling no hope and no courage that things can change.  

Maybe, he spoke to someone who did not believe his goals could be achieved and talked him into continuing to struggle alone.

Maybe, maybe, maybe…. The fact is, I have no idea.

A feyears ago, I was on a call with my mentor and business coach.  He was riffing on an idea about my running a retreat for filmmakers and got super excited.  The vision was a lot of fun but the truth was I was sitting there like a deer in the headlights.  I froze.  And I didn’t even know I was frozen until about 9 months later, when I was talking to one of his coaches.  I realized that that very day …

(WOW! I just heard my trading teacher say: “People go ghost and you don’t know what happened to them.”  Amazing! Coincidence….we think not.)

…that very day that I sat there frozen, that I had completely disassociated, ghosted my mentor and didn’t even know I had ghosted him!!!!!.  It took me two years to finally communicate with him, apologize for the ghosting, and now we are working together again.  

During those two years, I worked with a trauma coach, and addressed some of the ways my childhood trauma was still impacting my business, not my work with my clients. THAT’s easy and fun and I love it!!!! But my business.  Trauma was impacting my sales, my ability to earn. All of that.

Since that experience, I have become very aware of people around me ghosting me and others.  I had a roommate who shared with me for months and months about losing a dear friend who ghosted her and how much pain it was causing her.  Guess what?  She then ghosted me and no longer communicates with me and I have absolutely no idea why.

So I ask you, when it comes to your filmmaking, are there people you have ghosted?  Maybe you have ghosted me?  Can you look at why?  Can you ask yourself that question?

My best guess is that the fear of money and of talking about money is the block.  All my work with clients is about money / business / fundraising / finance and I work with my clients on releasing those blocks, working through those blocks, and letting go of their fear about money and talking about money.  I often say that Money Is The Final Taboo.  It’s harder for human beings to talk about money than to talk about sex. LOL!

But my best guess is that when filmmakers I have met who are so excited to launch or uplevel their careers and are excited to work with me and get the momentum going, get scared. After years of dreaming their dream, they meet me and see the path forward. They see that the possibilities are real. And that what is scary, is not about the money… What is truly scary is that “what I dream about having a career as a filmmaker could actually come true.”  What is truly scary is the idea that I could get exactly what I want.  What is deeply scary is the idea that I may have found someone who can take my hand and walk me to what I want.

Is that why you have ghosted me?